120 Hilarious Marriage Jokes 2023

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In this Article, We will know about 120 Hilarious Marriage Jokes. Please like and share if You are interested!

Marriage, a timeless institution built on love, companionship, and shared joy, is also a treasure trove of laughter, amusing anecdotes, and good-natured ribbing. As couples navigate the rollercoaster of life together, they often find solace in humor, and marriage jokes become the glue that binds them through the ups and downs. These witty quips and comical tales serve as a testament to the universal experiences and idiosyncrasies that define married life.

In this light-hearted exploration of marriage jokes, we embark on a delightful journey to discover the humor that lies at the heart of the matrimonial union. From classic one-liners that highlight the nuances of living together to playful anecdotes about misunderstandings and compromises, these jokes encapsulate the essence of marriage in all its amusing glory.

Throughout the article, we’ll delve into the shared experiences that make these jokes resonate with couples from all walks of life. Whether it’s navigating household chores, the quirks of each partner, or the humorous insights into communication styles, these jokes lovingly poke fun at the very fabric of marriage while fostering a sense of camaraderie and understanding.

Moreover, we’ll explore how humor, when employed wisely, can strengthen the bond between partners and diffuse tense situations, acting as a valuable coping mechanism in the face of life’s challenges. Marriage jokes not only bring laughter but also serve as a reminder that, in the grand tapestry of life, a hearty chuckle can be the thread that mends the little tears along the way.

So, join us on this laughter-filled expedition, where we celebrate the wit and wisdom of marriage jokes that have been passed down through generations, resonating with couples in their unique journey of love, laughter, and happily ever after.

Till Laugh Do Us Part: 100 Rib-Tickling Marriage Jokes for Couples

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There was a man who said that he would go through hell for his partner. They got married and now he is going through hell.
Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Why are husbands like lawnmowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time!
Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
When you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: “Yes, dear.”
I married Miss Right, I didn’t know her first name was Always.
Marriage requires a man to prepare for 3 different rings: An engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering.
Love is a long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed… I never knew they worked!
Just asked my wife what she’s “burning up for dinner” and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.
What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.
Marriage isn’t a word, it’s a sentence. A life sentence.
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman looked at him strangely and asked “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere,” he replied.
Why do wives use twice as many words as their husbands? Because they always have to repeat themselves.
The saying is true; love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”
Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? He’s trying to figure out the combination.
Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it but know you have to and you’re made to dress snappy and pretend to be an upstanding member of the community. The only difference is you don’t have a say in the life sentence being passed.
If a man is in the middle of nowhere and there isn’t a woman around, is he still wrong?
The groom is the kind of guy you don’t have to worry about introducing your parents to. That’s why (Bride) didn’t worry about introducing (Groom) to hers until today.
A wife once told his husband, “If a ship was sinking and there was only one life vest in the entire ship, I would miss you dearly, honey.”
They married for better or for worse—he couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.
Single guys often dream about having a smart, beautiful, caring wife. So do most married men
At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
When a woman makes a fool of a man it’s usually an improvement.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are “I apologize” and “You are right.”
I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today that my wife and I have separate names for the cat.
A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
My husband and I had a very happy twenty years. After that, we met.
I’d now like to focus on the groom for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time you’ll ever be the center of attention.
Wife (sitting in front of the mirror): “I feel ugly. Compliment me to make me feel better.” Husband: “Your vision is absolutely perfect.”
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
What’s the difference between a relationship and a video game? They both start off fun and easy, then get a litter harder. If you make it to the end without breaking, everyone is shocked.
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take, the husband gives and the wife takes.
My wife asked for her Chapstick, but I accidentally handed her the glue stick. She is not talking to me yet.
Husband: “Why do you keep reading our marriage license?” Wife: “I’m looking for an expiration date.”
Scientists have just discovered something that can do all the work of five men…a woman.
It doesn’t matter how many times a married man changes his job; he will always end up with the same boss.
Woman: “I got a set of golf clubs for my husband.” Friend: “Great trade!”
My husband cooks for me like I’m a god – by placing burnt offerings before me every night.
If it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong.
When I first started dating my wife she asked me what some of my dreams were. I told her one was about a T-Rex who didn’t get a job because he couldn’t tie a tie. She meant goals.
How do you know if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Marriage is like a video game. Starts off easy, then gets harder, and eventually you go online and find a way to cheat.
Husband: “I want to go somewhere on holiday this year that I’ve never been before.” Wife: “Well how about the kitchen?”
What do wives and hurricanes have in common? On arrival, they’re wet and wild. When they leave, they take the house and car with them.
Do you know why the king of hearts married the Queen of hearts? They were perfectly suited for each other.
Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I heard two scoutmasters recently decided to tie the knot.
On my wedding day, my mom told my bride, “No refunds, no exchanges on sale items.”
My wife and I have decided we don’t want kids. If you’re interested, please contact us immediately to arrange dropping them off.
A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!” The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal.” The trucker replies, “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny—I’m just homesick.”
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
What are a married man’s two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm. She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.
Arguing with your wife or husband is a lot like trying to read the ‘Terms of Use’ on the internet. In the end, you just give up and go “I agree.”
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married they send over a lady in a housecoat and curlers to burn my toast for me.
A magician made her husband vanish into thin air. How you may ask? Simple, she asked for the truth.
What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and a groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day.
I can remember when I got married and I can remember where I got married. For the life of me, I can’t remember why I got married.
How is a wife like bacon? They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you.
“I love you,” she said. “Is that you talking,” I asked, “Or the wine?” “It’s me talking to the wine.”
If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married, you can’t even change the television channel.
Wife: Let’s go out and have fun tonight! Husband: Okay but, if you get back before me, leave the light on.
I saw my wife putting on her sexy underwear this morning. This can only mean one thing.It’s laundry day.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Find a woman who can cook and clean. A woman who’s an animal in bed. A woman with lots of money. Make sure these three women never meet.
Every morning I like to remind my wife who’s in charge by holding a mirror up to her face.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
It has been a very emotional day…as some of you must have noticed, even the cake is in tiers.
My husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other. So far, we’ve been up for three days.
I’ve fallen in love with a pencil and we’re getting married. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Once you’re married, people stop asking about your sex life. They know you don’t have one.
My wife Mary and I have been married for 47 years, and not once have we argued seriously enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
I play the world’s most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed, but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, ”Why are you going to sleep on the floor?” The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three hos.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes—about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a 45-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your 45-year-old ass?” She said, “Your name never came up in the conversation.”
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
My partner and I took out life insurance policies on each other. So, now it’s just a waiting game.
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Why is marriage like a nice suit? At first, it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.
How do most men define a wedding? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Wife: “Do you want dinner?” Husband: “Sure, what are my choices?” Wife: “Yes and no.”
I tried comforting the jilted bride by reminding her, “At least the wedding went off without a hitch.”
Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
Wife: “Why are you home so early?” Husband: “My boss told me to go to hell.”
Marriage is the alliance of two people—one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
What kind of institution is marriage? One where a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?”Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “And you can do anything you want.” So he tied her up and went golfing.
Did you hear about the two-bed bugs that were lovers? They got married in the spring.
If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.
Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
A married couple is out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 20 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!”
Taking my husband’s last name doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist; it means I don’t want anyone I went to high school with to be able to find me ever again.
On the groom’s first date with the bride, he thought he’d make an impression, and promised her a seven-course meal. She was a tad disappointed when it turned out to be a burger and a six-pack!
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
Two cannonballs got married this morning. I heard they are already expecting BBs…
A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?” The wife responds, “No, I will live with my sister.” The wife asks him back, “Will you marry after I die?” The husband responds, “No, I will also live with your sister.”
On their wedding night, a groom asks his new bride, “Honey, am I your first?” She says, “Why does everyone ask me that?”
He has been in love with the same woman for 25 years—I hope his wife doesn’t find out.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life. Take advantage of that as much as you can
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
The main difference between a person’s wife and a battery is that the battery contains a positive side.
I had my credit card stolen the other day, but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.
A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!” The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and ends up out on the street when he realizes something. He goes back to the house and says to the woman, “Wait, I’m your husband!” She replies giving him a dirty look, “So why did you run?”